Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Need a laugh?

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto, the blockage will bealmost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. You can avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seatjust by using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: Simply cut yourself and bleedfor a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember touse an egg timer.

5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent youfrom rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snoozebutton.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget all about the tooth ache.

8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life reallyare:
In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move but should, use the WD-40.
If it should not move and does, use the duct tape.

9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.


underthewillow said...

LOL!! Boy, I needed that! Thanks for the great laugh! :)

Suzanne Temple said...

Don't forget...

It's easy to stop a nosebleed by tying a tournequette tightly around your neck.

Bob said...

My favorites are numbers eight and nine!