Thursday, July 26, 2007

#1-2 for Parents through adoption

A few weeks ago I promised to write a post (or several) on silly questions to avoid with parents of adopted children, and questions not to ask a couple struggling with infertility. I've decided to do these in a series of posts... cause there are just too many on each topic to try to fit all in one. So here a few for the adoption side!

For each question I will give two answers... the one that usually stays in my head (but does escape sometimes), and the one that I have used (or have heard others use in the same situation). These are not made up questions, but actual questions we have been asked!

1. Did you try to have your own kids first?
--Based on what we saw in movies and on TV, we decided that whole thing looked way to messy and complicated, so we decided to take the easy route!
--Due to infertility, adoption was best choice for us in growing our family.

This seems like a nice enough question, and most adopted families would not take offense... but this question implies that adopted children are not our OWN... and there are families out there that are very sensitive to this issue. Not only that, but if asked in the presence of the children, this can cause questions in their minds (depending on their ages).

On to a similar question.

2. So are you planning on having any kids of your own?
--Wait, did my kids suddenly disappear while we were standing here (looks around feet and buggy to see where said children might have gone to)?
--These are my children, and if the Lord choose to bless us with more than we will happily accept.

Again, this question (especially posed in front of the children) supposes that the adopted child[ren] are some how not mine. And while the question seems nice enough, it is a stumbling block that the parents are going to have to explain to their children when the questioner leaves.

2 comments:

Daddio said...

No comments... I hope nobody's been offended or had your feelings hurt!

underthewillow said...

no feelings hurt here! I, too, am amazed at what others feel is appropriate to ask. And in front of children, no less!