Monday, August 31, 2009

I know it is irrational...

So, I have this anxiety issue... I've had it for... um forever. What is it... doing anything in front of people on my own. I deplore speaking, reading, playing, anything... in front of people if I'm the only one doing it.

I was in ballet for several (early) years... totally fine, dancing in a group. Drama, acting with an ensemble in junior high also totally fine. Cheerleader in junior/high school... also fine, I was with my squad. Band... fine as long as I was just one in the section, not so fine during chair tests. Now, I usually did just fine, placing in the top few seats... but my nerves, um NOT GOOD!

Why am I even bringing this up... tonight at rehearsal, our new (and cool) band master is holding sectionals instead of our normal full rehearsal. That means all the woodwinds (flutes, clarinets, and saxes together... brass later in the evening) will be working with the conductor... and that means really getting down to the nitty gritty of the music... which means listening very carefully to each one of us... ALONE, in front of the rest of the section. And as ridiculous (for a 30 year old who's been playing since she was in 7th grade) as it sounds those exact same anxious feelings from high school band have made their way back into my jitty stomach and fingers!

Honey, if you're reading this... do think we can stop and get me a drink (just a dp) on the way to settle my nerves :-)?


La Familia said...

Yeah, a caffinated beverage was probably not the best way to calm your nerves. :-) So, how did it go?

MommaLlama said...

Not only did he get me a soda (thanks honey), I got a burger too :-).

Oh it went totally fine. He mostly worked with the saxes... out of our hour, I think we played a total of 10 minutes! Besides there are only 3 of us in my 'section' so even if there were pressures... nothing would really change :-).