I think I'm different

I am really starting to believe that I'm different than that my peers... my generation of women. And the comments that follow are not saying that other women are wrong in their thoughts and actions, just that I am apparently different than mainstream thinking.

The more people I meet, and the more wives and mothers I get to know (or read in blogs); many speak of self fulfillment in one way or another. Now, don't get me wrong, there is always room for improvement... but at what cost?

I'm in a minority entering into motherhood. Due to infertility, we had quite a wait from the time we married to the point where we had children. We were able to get our lives in order simply because we didn't really have anything else to do. So we purchased our first home, had the right kind of cars (we thought... later we had to re-evaluate that when we came home with three), and we were in the right mindset. Although we had time, that doesn't change the fact that we wanted children from the moment we said our vows... I know that may sound naive to some, but it is in fact the truth.

I look at being a wife and mother as vocation, in lay terms, a career in and of itself. Some of you at one time or another may have had two jobs, or gone to school full time and worked part time and looking back were you able to give youself fully to every task you took on? Did each thing have equality, and the attention it rightly deserved? This is what I wonder about when it comes to being a mother and working? Is it TRULY possible to give what is needed at both ends? I personally couldn't do it.

Now, on to another thought I was having... lossing one's self. I often hear mom's speak of this concept. Once they became a mom, they felt like they (their former non-mother persona) ceased to exist, and subsequently went looking for things to fulfill the lost feelings/lifestyle they miss. Again, I must be lucky... or just different. While we waited for children, that is when we as a couple felt incomplete... and I felt there was something missing from my daily life. Now that I am living my vocational calling, I feel whole... we feel whole. To better myself, is working on being a better wife to my husband, a better mom, a better teacher... things that help me connect better with my family, not things that separate me and my focus from my family.

I guess what irks me, is when I hear other moms put down being a mom, as if it isn't good enough for them. They are better, smarter, worth more... or whatever their take is, I wonder what the underlying problem with being a mother is for them? And if they feel it is so under them, are they really giving to their families what is deserved? From personal experience (jobs, school...), I hardly did a pleasing job if my heart were not truly into it.

These are just my ramblings...